Archive for September, 2013

Tumour…what happens next

I have to have an operation to remove a tumor on my brain on the 30th of october wish me luck :)

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Complaints letter

bellow is the part 1 of a letter i sent to my local M.P hazel blears some names and places have been omitted due to obvious reasons


To whom it may concern,

Over the past 10 years I have suffered various forms of discrimination by many establishments. This I believe is due to the fact that I suffer from a mental health problem. The level of discrimination is such that I cannot live a normal healthy functional life. I cannot study, work or rely on the police not to discriminate, these facts and one other (see second attached letter) make me want to leave this country, and not stay any further to suffer at the hands of various organizations. I will now give you a list of the events that happened that have lead me to the conclusion that I must leave this country.

1, I reapplied to my old university the university contacted me before they had decided weather nor not to accept me and asked for a letter from my psychiatrist. My psychiatrist (Dr Taylor) wrote a letter saying I was bi-polar even though she believed me to be suffering a personality disorder. I was then  accepted onto the course via ucas. This method applied is procedurally flawed and discriminatory in nature perhaps if my psychiatrist had written the truth I would not have been able to try and resume my course.

2, During Christmas 2004 I believed that I had been tazered by someone I informed the police in            Lancaster and the Cumbrian police were supposed to follow up on the incident. A friend of mine that works for Kendal police dealt with it he gave his police badge number and a false name to Lancaster police station and the inquiry was never heard of again. This was a major let down by the police authority and my friend wasn’t even reprimanded even though I informed Kendal police station of what I knew.

3, My psychiatrist (Dr Taylor) was fully aware of an abnormal reaction I had to a particular anti psychotic (risperidone) upon admission to hospital in September 2005 I was given a very large dose of this anti psychotic (rispiridone) this caused permanent tinnitus and some form of visual hallucinatory disorder, I believe it may have exacerbated the p.d (personality disorder) I have. Luckily over the years since I have recovered fairly substantially, the only time I hallucinate now is when concentrating on music. A lot of anti psychotics now cause more symptoms than they should, I have has become less easily treatable due to the overuse of an antipsychotic I should not have taken. I wrote letters of complaint given the seriousness of what and yet I have had no real apology from my psychiatrist. She also made it as difficult as possible to change psychiatrist (Dr Taylor) in the end I had to lie to her and tell her I would drop the complaint.

4, During this time in hospital I wasn’t the only person who had malpractice I was friendly with one elderly gentleman that drunk a fair amount of coke cola. He complained substantially about kidney pains and the nurses told the other patients that it was caused by this. He eventually died in the hospital, it turned out he had aquired septicemia from a chest infection which had been atta\cking his kidneys. If the doctors at ridglee mental hospital had only done a simple blood test for pathogens he would still be alive. This fact and the prior fact completely undermine my trust in the mental health system to look after the well being of it’s patients. The man who died had no next of kin and as far as I am aware nobody has been reprimanded over the incident.

5,  The next event that happened was again discrimination by the police force in Lancaster. I was downstairs in the sheltered accommodation where I lived carr-gomm Lancaster, and I overheard in the other room many verbal physical threats by a social worker towards  someone at the scheme I couldn’t be sure who it was directed at however since the majority of the people at the scheme apart from perhaps myself were physically incapable of defending themselves if a social worker was violent with them I was sufficiently concerned. I then went to Lancaster police station to tell them what I had overheard as I was concerned for the safety of my friends at the scheme. I specifically told the police only to contact myself as I didn’t want carr-gomm to be aware that I had overheard the threats which had been spoken to themselves. Somebody in the police force contacted carr-gomm and a worker their had words with me about the incident (I was embarrassed at having to involve the police over something I really should have not heard however due to the level of threats I heard I felt sufficiently  justified). I was angry at the police for involving carr-gomm as I specifically told them not to, after complaining to the relevant authority I was still not told who made the particular judgement call over involving carr-gomm. This is a breach of police protocol and undermines my trust and rights with regards to the police.

6, Currently it is pointless to see a psychiatrist due to their over reliance on psychiatric file and their inability to assess my current mental state via a medical state examination. I believe there is a cover-up over my current condition to protect my former psychiatrist Dr Taylor. Due to this there is a over reliance on drugs that not only are less than effective (in a lot of cases my condition is exacerbated and even in the long-term doesn’t go into remission). My personality disorder has been ignored however luckily I was able to identify it myself (self defeating masochism….which is on the narcissistic scale) I have had no real therapy for this condition and I feel that a psychologist may be able to help if there is no psychiatric interference.

7,  A couple of years back I applied for a job at a probation library the application said there was a guaranteed interview for those with a disability however I never heard back from them even though I have been a librarian at school.

8, I applied for a Manchester university course that would have eventually lead me to studying a neuroscience course at university, the level of they course was less than undergraduate and as such I only needed minimum qualifications to get on the course. I applied in a honest fashion and disclosed that I was mentally ill. I was told by ucas that I had been turned down. I inquired into this and was told that there were no places on the course. I don’t entirely believe this I think I was again discriminated again due to the fact that I have a mental illness and the course would have lead me to studying neuroscience.

9, I was seeing a psychologist in order to sort out some of my psychological and psychosocial problems in the beginning she gave me insight into my differences she didn’t agree I had p.d however if I had been aware that masochism (at least in extremis) is one of four distinct personality disorders maybe we would have been able to figure out things better. She then talked to Dr Malik and he convinced her I was schizophrenic which now  clearly I believe to be wrong (schizophrenic visual hallucinations in response to music don’t generally occur this is more like synthesisia). I believe having psychiatrist telling a psychologist what to say is detrimental to my well-being far preferable would be the other way around. I know this isn’t discrimination but clearly Dr Malik inability to respond to valid assertions about the nature of my illness and the discrepancies between myself and someone who is schizophrenic clearly need to be justified. also since this condition I believe is iatrogenic (caused by medical treatment) I would believe there is some form of cover-up.

10, The lack of focus and honesty over my masochism has lead me to eventually find the specific p.d myself. At the time I was partly unbalanced psychologically and reading about a condition that I perfectly fit into was rather disturbing it has been several weeks since this happened and I now feel better. I don’t believe they are thinking about my psychological well-being by ignoring my differences. Perhaps because of the controversial nature of my difference there was a clinical oversight however I believe that this still isn’t in my best interests as ignoring the facts about my differences lead to me to have to face the truth alone.

11, The last time I was sectioned it was tautological as well as perhaps illegal, I was only assessed by my psychiatrist and the crisis team. I told my psychiatrist that someone may be coming in my flat whiles’t  I was out I left a threating message in my flat in full view, I was aware that this perhaps wasn’t a good idea however since I only half believed that someone was going in my flat and others said I was being delusional I wasn’t too bothered. My psychiatrist said I was a danger to people in his section papers which I clearly couldn’t be if I was delusional. When the crisis team turned up I tried to convince them with some of the evidence, they asserted that I was delusional in my section papers. How could I technically therefore be delusional and also a danger Dr Malik would have had to made an assertion that this person who may or may not be going into my flat actually existed for me to be  a threat. Yet the crisis team assert that no one one exists clearly their assertion is in a paradoxical state to Dr Mmalik’s and the section papers are therefore tautological and I was therefore illegally sectioned. I believe but cannot be sure that when section papers are written they have to be in ontological agreement.

12,  Whilst in hospital they tried to enforce treatment with a less than effective medication they tried to put me on a community treatment order (I feel I should have the right to decide when to take my medication given the fact that I don’t have any cognitive problems that I am aware of and also I am not caused any distress by my condition. In fact I don’t really see it as a illness just a mental state) I believe treatment orders should only be used on people who pose a danger to society since my p.d is more a personal and self destructive issue I fail to see how I fit into this category. Since I felt like I have less rights than an average person and that the medical establishment was taking away yet another right I decided to attempt suicide (and would have further done so on administration of further anti-psychotics that were not really effective). The psychiatrist decided not to take it any further and changed me onto a medication I know to be very effective I now self medicate and feel very well in terms of the hallucinatory disorder however the is still the problem of the personality disorder.

13, Whilst at ormskirk hospital I was cognitively dissonant due to the use of a nootrophic and anti-epileptic medication I said that I had been building a bomb to blow up ridge lee hospital (the hospital that had made me unwell) I was then informed that the police had seized my computers paperwork and other things from my flat. The police in Lancaster didn’t find any evidence of bomb making material in my flat yet they never sent me a letter (it was all phone calls. And I have no written letter by themselves) since I have no letter from them saying that no illegal material was found people may speculate as to why my computers were taken by the police. I live an alternative lifestyle due to my personality disorder and masochism people in Lancaster I believe may think I am some kind of paedophile (something that if I believe someone would actually do turns me (almost) psychopathic with rage) due to this the police have inadvertently smeared my reputation in Lancaster. The police must realize that I am a masochist and not a dangerous person or danger to anyone but they haven’t helped with my psychosocial problems and my image and reputation have been smeared by this action by the police. A formal apologie perhaps in a local newspaper in Lancaster would have been nice but I know this will not happen.

If you need any proof of the above facts I would be more than willing to supply them. There is one other issue not to do with the discrimination I have had that is included in the attached letter (I have had to write this on a secure computer) further proof of this knowledge I have can be found if you contact kennington police station in London.


Anyway as you can see there has been a fair amount of discrimination the second letter has been described in a previous post